Here’s another question from the Waterstraat group (The second of two. I responded to the first in the last post):
Many of us seem to have personal stories of frustrations with other, more “conservative” organized religions or individual churches who, to us, seem(ed) to preach a message of fear and exclusion. Many of us fled these other churches and were initially drawn to Countryside by the simple message stamped in the walkway before the front door — “All Are Welcome.” Many of us also seem to have close friends or family members in our lives who believe deeply that their specific brand of Christianity is the “only way,” and who openly tell us that they grieve for us and pray for us hoping that we won’t be “burned in Hell forever.” We find ourselves torn. On one hand we seem to agree that just as we parent our different children in different ways, as individuals, many of us need our “Father” to parent us in different ways — some of us need to be told what to do, and some of us need more leash. We lean on C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity, and rejoice that our friends are “in the house,” and we don’t want to fight with them over which room they choose to hang out in. On the other hand, we also agree that Christians who preach a message based on fear and exclusivity to us seem to have completely missed who Jesus really was/is. We want to be angry and loving at the same time, and we’re not sure how to walk this dual path.
Your well-stated desire to be “angry and loving at the same time” is shared with a great many Christians around the country who are concerned with unloving and fear-based manifestations of Christian faith (often due to personal experience of it). It is clear that you do not wish to manifest the same fear and hate only from a different perspective in making a response – a commendable desire!
Later in Asphalt Jesus I talk about “Good Friday” energy that has seized Christians on both sides of the theological divide. “Good Friday” energy is the energy of anger, which essentially says, “Someone has crucified the Jesus of my understanding. I think I know who did it. So now let’s go get the crucifiers and crucify them!”
In the Seven Deadly Sins series we spoke of Anger being like salt. A little salt can be a wonderful thing, helping to define and intensify the many and varied flavors of a dish. Yet if you keep pouring salt, it can turn a great tasting dish into something that’s inedible. If you pour still more, salt will actually turn a dish into poison. The key with anger is: can you let go of it? If you can, great. If you can’t, then likely anger is poisoning you, as well as those who may be objects of your anger.
In this regard, the late William Sloan-Coffin, senior minister of Riverside Church in New York City, once helpfully observed: “True, we have to hate evil; else we’re sentimental. But if we hate evil more than we love the good, we become damn good haters, and of those the world already has too many. However, deep, our anger like that of Christ, must always and only measure our love.”
I think Sloan-Coffin hits the nail on the head. And notice that he brings Jesus into his equation. Read through any of the gospels and you find that Jesus could get angry – very angry – at those who were distorting the love of God, neighbor, and/or self. The self-righteous were particular objects of his anger, as well as religious leaders (often one and the same people). Jesus could call them a “brood of vipers,” and accuse them of making converts “twice the sons of hell [Gehenna = garbage dump] as you are.”
Thus, if anyone wonders whether it’s possible to criticize fellow believers – even severely – and remain faithful to the Christian Path, one need only turn to the one we claim to follow for confirmation. Yes, there is an appropriate place for “calling out” those who, in our view, are turning the Path of Love into the Path of Fear and Hatred. However, we need to do it like Jesus did it. I believe there’s plenty of evidence in the gospels to suggest that Jesus’ criticisms arose out of a deep conviction regarding the value and worth of those he was criticizing. His criticisms often have a ring to them like, “I know you’re BETTER THAN THAT! I know you’re CAPABLE OF SO MUCH MORE! When will you ever start using the high gifts and graces with which you’ve been entrusted rather than throwing them all away?”
In other words, Jesus engaged the self-righteous, the religious leaders, and so forth, out of deep respect for them. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have bothered to give them the time of day. Jesus saw clearly that the objects of his fury were loved beyond their wildest imagination and essentially was screaming, “When are you ever going to start ACTING like it? When are you going to wake up and hear the music of God’s grace and love wafting through the air? “
When it comes down to it, what shows a person with whom you disagree more respect: criticizing them to their face, or remaining silent and letting them continue their destructive path without challenge (perhaps even criticizing them behind their backs, or writing them off as “hopeless’)?
Personally, if someone has a strong disagreement with me, I’d much prefer that person to come out and state it rather than keeping to her/himself – even if the message came with some degree of anger. For, in “daring” to be critical, that person also honors me implicitly by (a) believing that I might actually clear my ego aside long enough to listen to what she/he has to say; (b) believing that I have the capacity to weigh this person’s argument and potentially change my ways as a result; (c) believing that I won’t be childish and lash out at the person for bruising my ego; (d) showing that the person, by conversing with me, may actually be willing to hear and respond to my point-of-view after stating hers/his.
Thus, criticism is as much a sign of interest and belief in someone as it is disagreement. So be angry. Just make sure to you can let go of it, in which case your anger will likely “add flavor to the dish” rather than poisoning it. And the best way to ensure that you can let go of your anger (besides praying, which I highly recommend!), is to make sure that love for God, your neighbor, and yourself is not taking a back seat.
